By Mackenzie Pierce
My bookshelf is bubbling over again and I wonder how
Or if or when I will finally feel happy.
I think I am feeling sick to my stomach again. Is
This normal is this healthy? Why do the
Cells in my body continuously let me down? They are blameless
And I guess it is all my fault, the vestal’s
body I once inhabited is instead surrounded in a parking lot
Full of novels I’ve read to remind myself of the
Days of innocence I had in this disintegrating world.
Like my grandfather I can’t stop forgetting
Soon I will no longer recognize my mother by
The sound of her breathing or the
Tom Ford perfume that filled my childhood world.
What my father smells like I already forgot.
I haven’t forgotten the sound of his steps, eternal
In the same way he always comes home before the sunshine
Truly disappears under the earth full of
Fire and rock and bugs, oh God the
Bugs. Yesterday I saw a ladybug spotless
And she landed on my red nails, reading my mind.
We agreed that she looked like each
One of my fingernails. In her landing I heard a pray’r
For a haven to be accepted,
Only if it lasts a lifetime and
The polish on my fingernails slowly wither away, each
Leaving streaks like blood, remnants marking my wish
To stay red but I know I’m navy blue and for that I am resign’d.
*This poem is in reference to Alexander Pope’s Eloisa to Abelard